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Spring Awakening

by Feroza Cayetano

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1.
Hard to know the way I feel inside Is it right? Is it? Colors blur the lines that I would write With all my might, I visit Deep in my bones are the words that I carry Deep in my bones are the words I don’t say Somewhere in my heart is the home that I buried From heartache and mistakes Closer to shore are the lies that I married Rivers that run with the blood that I shed Deep in my bones are the secrets I carry From heartache and mistakes With all my might, with all my might I carry, I carry With all my might, with all my might I carry, I carry Hard to know the way I feel Wrong or right, I carry it Hard to know the way I feel inside Wrong or right, I carry it
2.
Just be you and find me In the woods, by the sea It will be fine It will be fine In the woods you’ll find me In the clear, in the water, I’m running free You will be fine You will be fine Why are you afraid of the water Why are you afraid of the sky Why let your pain feed a monster Why You would run away from freedom Cause you’re too afraid to fly But why not meet your pain and the monster Why Why not meet your pain and the monster Why In the woods you’ll find me In the shade, in the shadow Waiting patiently It will be fine It will be fine Why are you afraid of the water Why are you afraid of the sky Why let your pain feed a monster Why You would run away from freedom Cause you’re too afraid to fly But why not meet your pain and the monster Why Why not meet your pain and the monster Why What are you afraid of What are you afraid of Why are you afraid Why are you afraid In the woods you will find me In the shade, in the shadow, waiting patiently In the pain and in the monster We’re just a part of your tapestry Part of your tapestry In the woods you will find me In the shade, in the shadow, waiting patiently In the pain and in the monster We’re just a part of your tapestry Part of your tapestry In the woods you will find me In the shade, in the shadow, waiting patiently In the pain and in the monster We’re just a part of your tapestry Part of your tapestry You will find me In the shade and the shadow waiting patiently In the pain and in the monster You will be fine Don’t you run away from freedom Don’t you be afraid to fly Why not meet your pain and the monster Why not meet your pain and the monster You will be fine You will be fine You will be fine
3.
Water has memory Water can heal Water has memory Water can heal Years pass, remember The fear was surreal Smiles are deceptive Should have walked away I~ wake up I~ wake up Water has memory Water can heal It’s funny how fear stays with you Desire turning into nightmares It’s funny how fear stays with you Forgotten in the shadows Then remembered I~ wake up I~ wake up I~ wake up Wake up Wake up It’s funny how fear stays with you Desire turning into nightmares It’s funny how fear stays with you Forgotten in the shadows Better left in the shadows It’s funny how fear stays with you It’s funny how fear stays with you Forgotten in the shadows It’s funny how fear stays with you Water has memory And water heals It’s funny how fear stays with you It’s funny how fear stays with you It’s funny how fear stays with you It’s funny how fear stays with you
4.
Out of my head and I’ll survive And find my body and calm my mind And out of my head would I find peace Cause the knives I’m throwing Would cut me clean Who would care if the blood flows Who would care Who would care if my mind goes Who would care Who would care if my mind goes Who would care Who would care if the blood flows Who would care I need to get out of my head Or I won’t survive And out of my head so I can find my mind Out of my head Out of my head Out of my head Out of my head And in my body I need to jump in my body So I can feel my body And feel And out of my head And into my body And out of my head And into my body
5.
Guidance 04:40
Oh I cry, "Why is this my life?" Do I have the strength to try? I thought I was on to something A knowing deep inside I ask for strength and guidance I ask for yours to guide I ask for strength and guidance I ask for yours to guide Oh I cry, "Why?" I wonder, where will I go? How will I feel when tides are low Without you in my life Without these songs in my soul When the earth is dried out And there’s nowhere to go I wonder, can I run away? Cause I know a place that’s so far away But without you in my life Without these songs in my soul I don’t think there’s meaning So tell me which way to go I wonder, I wonder How will I know And I cry why is this my life Do I have the strength to try? I thought I was on to something A knowing deep inside I ask for strength and guidance I ask for yours to guide I ask for strength and guidance I ask for yours to guide Oh, I cry why is this my life Do I have the strength to try? I thought I was on to something A knowing deep inside I ask for strength and guidance I ask for yours to guide I ask for strength and guidance I ask for yours to guide Oh I cry why Why is this my life Oh, I need your guidance Oh, I cry why is this my life Do I have strength to try? I thought I was on to something A knowing deep inside I ask for strength and guidance I ask for yours to guide Oh, I need your guidance
6.
Why let your pain feed a monster? Why? Why are you afraid of water? Why are you afraid of sky? Why let your pain be a monster? Why? In the woods you will find me In the shade, in the shadow, waiting patiently In the pain and in the monster We’re just a part of your tapestry Part of your tapestry In the woods you will find me In the shade, in the shadow, waiting patiently In the pain and in the monster we’re just a part of your tapestry Part of your tapestry In the woods you will find me In the shade, in the shadow, waiting patiently In the pain and in the monster We’re just a part of your tapestry Part of your tapestry Why are you afraid of water? (It will be fine) Why are you afraid of sky? (It will be fine) Why let your pain feed a monster? (It will be fine) Why? Why? Don’t you be afraid Why not meet your pain in the monster? Why not meet your pain in the monster?

about

This collection chronicles a semi-recent life chapter set during my first spring in Spain. It was a season of immense beauty and deep personal growth.

I learned that I swallow a lot of words and opinions before I even let myself have them. I learned that nature is a refuge. I learned that water has memory and that my body carries it. I learned that, for my own sanity and mental health, I have to get out of my head and into my body—through walking and doing things with my hands. More than ever, I relied on my Grandmother’s wisdom, even if I don’t necessarily follow her religion. And I learned to look at my shadows and not try to do anything about them.

I learned to just exist. And then flowers bloomed after a long winter. And my heart smiled for the first time in a long time.

credits

released September 23, 2022

All Songs Written and Recorded by StephAnn Cayetano

Mastering by LANDR

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Feroza Cayetano

I write songs from the depths of me. Healing is the mission.

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